Writer needs to be honest with herself

Dear Andy: How do I keep my daughter from crying hysterically whenever she sees the neighbor dressed in a gorilla suit?

Dear Diane: Let's be honest. I can't help you until you want to help yourself. By "daughter", you mean husband. By "neighbor", you mean truck. And by “gorilla suit”, you mean rust. You think your husband is embarrassed by his rusty old truck, but that’s just a cover. The real issue is his self esteem, or lack thereof. You need to get your husband off welfare, out of his pajamas, and off the booze, porn sites, uppers, downers, tweeners, and whatever else this sicko is into. I think we both know your husband really wants to be that gorilla down the street, and he needs you to help him get there.