It's mothers fault

Dear Andy: When I was 9 months old, I became a bit of a toe sucker. Didn't matter whose, off came the socks and I was sucking away like there was no tomorrow. Now I am much older, and I wish my mother had figured out something--anything--to stop my fetish. So, my question is: how can I learn to stop blaming my mother for making me the most popular boy in school? - Randy in Bellingham

Dear Randy: Randy Feller……. from Lakeville Jr high? If it wasn’t for you, my athletes foot would have never cleared up. Your tongue truly holds magical fungus fighting powers. To answer your question, It’s okay to blame your mother, for she, and mothers like her, are responsible for 50% of the worlds evils. Fathers are equally responsible, but are more likely to kick your ass, so channel your blame towards mom.