Facebook and 5-pin

Dear Andy: My 14 year old daughter is addicted to Facebook, she claims she's bored. How can I cut down her computer time and get her out of the house? – Tom in Manitoba

Dear Tom: What the hell do you expect, you live in Manitoba? You know better than me that your top exports are teen pregnancy, English/French translations, and lame Ontario jokes. Just put her on the snow machine and take her down for a couple games of 5-pin. Short of relocating, that’s your best shot of keeping her off-line.