Where do babies come from

Dear Andy: Last week, I went in the emergency room with kidney stones and came out with a baby! How did this happen?? What do I do now???? - Puzzled in Pennsylvania

Dear Puzzled in Pennsylvania: Do I look like an idiot to you? How did this happen! As we all know, babies come from alcohol, while kidney stones come from flaxseed oil. You got drunk, horny, and easy, now you’re going to puke, stretch, and buy a minivan. What do you do now. Pray to God that the flaxseed oil doesn’t kick in.