Dear Andy: I love children. I already have one and would love to have several more. However, my co-worker keeps harassing me and telling me that over population is the biggest crisis currently facing the world. I believe this to be true. I consider myself to be committed to sustainability and yet, I fear that if the only people populating the earth are God-fearing right-wing fundamentalists we are going to have an even bigger problem on our hands. To have or not to have, that is the question. Thank you for your sage advice – Courtney in Bellingham
Dear Courtney: First off, your coworker is an ass. The number of children you have is between you, Jesus, and the sperm donor. If you want it bad enough, you can have it all. Here’s how: Get yourself a death row pen pal, the kind you see in those made-for-TV movies. The more he’s killed, the better. If you’re fertile, a conjugal visit or two should do the trick; remember to pack a good antifungal cream. When all is said and done, you can claim the death of the father, and those he has wacked as a kid credit. Bingo, you get a kid, the net population drops, and you get angry prison sex to boot.
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