Lisa is scared of butterflies

Dear Andy: My daughter Lisa is scared of butterflies. What can I do to help her get over her fear? –Mike in Wisconsin

Dear Mike: I am not a doctor, but I can tell you that the scientific term for Lisa’s condition is Phuckinuts. The most common cause is too much space between the cerebellum and the skull. That doesn’t necessarily indicate a small brain; sometimes a freakishly large skull is to blame. As Lisa sees the butterfly, all the magical colors and frantic flapping send her brain into overdrive, it’s kind of like Michael Jackson at a Boy Scout sleep over. There’s only one cure, an extremely wet climate. The heavy rain tears the wings off the little bastards keeping those afflicted with Phuckinuts safe and sound.