Bellingham Farmers Market

Dear Andy: My daughter loves to go to the Bellingham Farmers Market. There are scented soaps for sale, children’s clothing, jewelry, and of course a few food stands. The problem is it seems every time I go someone keys my Hummer. How can I go to the Farmers Market in Bellingham without a visit to the body shop? – Paul in Bellingham

Dear Paul: I think I’ve seen you at the Bellingham Farmers Market. You’ve got that banana yellow H2 with the 24 inch spinners and the incredibly small penis. No one deserves to be keyed, regardless of how pathetically lame their taste in vehicles is. Here’s the plan: park at the Chevy dealership, trust me, there will be no one there, and then ride the bus downtown where it’s just a short walk to the Farmers Market. Your Hummer is safe, and your daughter still gets to enjoy the 20 something year old homeless girls at the farmers market with the braided pit hair and hemp brassieres.