Getting uninvited to the playground

Dear Andy: I’m sick and tired of going to the playground with my son. There is no comfortable seating, the grass makes my allergies go nuts, and the kids scream their head off while the parents pay no attention. I need an excuse, can you help? – Terry in Savannah

Dear Terry: I’ve got a plan. Drop your son at the monkey bars. Then start snapping photos of the other children. You need to wear sweat pants and a flannel shirt, and don’t forget the NASCAR cap, that’s key to success. When the other parents see you, they won’t be back, and neither will their children. Everyone knows the playground isn’t any fun by yourself, so you son will be okay with not returning.