So your kid's a breast man.

Dear Andy: My baby is almost 3 and hasn't breast fed since he was 12 months old. He has this habit of touching my breasts whenever he can. I don't mind this but I am afraid that he might do this in public or even worse, he might try this with my wife or another woman. Please help! – Andrew in Bellingham

Dear Andrew: So you’ve got yourself a groper. I suggest you complete the ensemble with a little trench coat, ankle bracelet, and a dirty, old, rusted-out, windowless van.