Sex ed
>> Friday, April 17, 2009
Dear Andy: How should I teach my son about sex? – Pat in Mississippi
Dear Pat: Just like everyone else in the south, make him sleep with his cousin.
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Sex or violence?
>> Monday, March 23, 2009
Dear Andy: When watching movies what’s worse for kids, sex or violence? – Bernie in DC
Dear Bernie: Violence is more damaging to your child, unless the sex includes Rosanne Bahr, then it’s definitely the sex.
Booze, stink, and sex
>> Thursday, January 22, 2009
Dear Andy: My son has taken a virginity pledge. Does that make him less of a man? Jill in Philadelphia
Dear Jill: Men are made of equal parts booze, stink, and sex. When you remove the sex, you’re left with stink and booze. So yes, your son is now two-thirds of a man.
Laura's daughter and the bad boy
>> Monday, January 19, 2009
Dear Andy: My daughter confided in me that her boyfriend has been pressuring her to have sex, but she is not yet ready. I’m glad she came to me. How do I deal with the boyfriend without betraying my daughter’s trust? - Laura in Vancouver BC
Dear Laura: I have one word for you – restraining order. But don’t let your daughter know what’s up. That would make him the “bad boy”. And I can tell you from experience, chicks dig the bad boy. This arrogant prick needs to be dealt with pronto. If you want to kill his street cred, just plant a copy of Michael Bolton’s Greatest Hits 1985 to 1995 in his ride. Your daughter will be out of that relationship faster than you can say home school.
You can have it all
>> Friday, January 2, 2009
Dear Andy: I love children. I already have one and would love to have several more. However, my co-worker keeps harassing me and telling me that over population is the biggest crisis currently facing the world. I believe this to be true. I consider myself to be committed to sustainability and yet, I fear that if the only people populating the earth are God-fearing right-wing fundamentalists we are going to have an even bigger problem on our hands. To have or not to have, that is the question. Thank you for your sage advice – Courtney in Bellingham
Dear Courtney: First off, your coworker is an ass. The number of children you have is between you, Jesus, and the sperm donor. If you want it bad enough, you can have it all. Here’s how: Get yourself a death row pen pal, the kind you see in those made-for-TV movies. The more he’s killed, the better. If you’re fertile, a conjugal visit or two should do the trick; remember to pack a good antifungal cream. When all is said and done, you can claim the death of the father, and those he has wacked as a kid credit. Bingo, you get a kid, the net population drops, and you get angry prison sex to boot.
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