Go in, or let him cry it out

Dear Facebook friends: What happened to my great sleeper? Since he turned two, he's been fighting it. So torn between going in or letting him cry it out. Neither seems to work. Argh!!! – Amy in Bellingham

Dear Amy: I guess you think owning two cows and a golden egg in Farmville makes you a parenting expert. Not even close! This decision is made only by you. Thirty years from now when the toothless, meth soaked shell of your former self has moved back in with your grown son, and you’re crying your diapered ass to sleep, the decision will be his. Will he, A – come in and comfort you, or B - let you cry it out.

The decision is yours.

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What happens to ugly babies

Dear Andy: I always hear parents bragging about their beautiful babies but not much is said about the ugly babies. My question is what happens to ugly babies? - Amy in Seattle

Dear Amy: It’s a dirty little secret that parents of ugly babies would rather I not talk about, but I think you deserve to know the truth. Ugly babies are refined into baby oil.

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How old should my son be to open a Facebook account

Dear Andy: My son turns 12 next week. How old should he be before I let him open a Facebook account? – Theresa in L.A.

Dear Theresa: Facebook really isn’t for kids; it’s for middle age parents who want to spy on their kids. Do yourself a favor and sign him up immediately.

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Jesus on the iron

A Massachusetts women just found Jesus on the bottom of her iron. She says it’s a sign that "life is going to be good for her child”.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but scorching your messiah with a 400 degree iron is a step in the wrong direction.

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The Vow of Silence

I have a friend who's daughter fell in love with a guy during their two month vow of silence. How does she know he's not a def mute? Seems like quite a gamble to me.

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What if you don't want a pair

Don’t you find it odd that you can’t buy one pant, you must buy a pair?

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I don't like what that represents

You know when you're drinking from the sink at work and someone flushes the toilet, there's that brief change in water pressure. I don't like that.

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Safe Cycling

Don’t want your kid to get run over by a redneck while riding his bike? Dress him in a red, white, and blue Jersey. Hicks may hate cyclists, but they would never run over the flag.

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Canadian national anthem

I love the Canadian national anthem. Too bad they never play it at the Olympics.

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Are engineers a little odd

Dear Andy: Is it just me, or are engineers just a little bit odd? – Daryl in Phoenix

Dear Daryl: Yes, Engineers are a little odd. Research shows it’s due to the long work days, constant noise from the machinery, and the overall monotony of the job. If you ask me, which you did, driving a train really doesn’t seem that tough.

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